It helps.

Amazingly this helps. It's working! I'm actually out of the house and doing some work... but felt strange for a moment— so I'm writing here now. I'm in the Buell Center grading student papers. Well at the very least it is a temporary salve. Whenever I feel the impulse to email Eric, I just write here, to the virtual Eric I suppose. I am starting to feel totally comfortable with how pitiful this all sounds. There is something liberating about being so candid... even though no one reads this blog. I also wonder, what if someone did read this blog?

I guess the resentment isn't all gone. It's hard not to get sucked into the tit for tat that is a part of every break up I suppose. I'm not sure what to say about that.

When we broke up I thought this wave of melancholy would never come, and I was slightly relieved though more disturbed that I didn't feel more upset at first. Now I'm upset. But getting through this is good I suppose... I can invoke all sorts of metaphors for what stage I'm at right now in this 'process'... and am feeling more comfortable with the shitty break up lexicon... "process" may be the worst, probably because it's the most true.

Anyway, I will always regret that we didn't have more processes during our relationship.